Okay this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Yesterday was an epic crash and burn in terms of banishing my all too familar foe Negativity. He seems to hang around and almost inevitably starts fights between me and my husband. Last night he decided to bring along his pals self doubt and anger. Needless to say after spending way too much time with these all too familar people I failed miserably at my attempt to banish him from my life.
Waking up this morning I could see traces of their visit on my face. The saggy dark bags under my eyes, the blotchy skin and a splitting headache. But as I moved into the day a new friend showed up and started to erase those signs. That friend is my dear friend Hope. She arrived bringing the unexpected guests of compassion and forgiveness with her. After consuming several glasses of caffeine and enjoying a breakfast of french toast ( hope knows this always makes me feel much better) I am prepared to tackle the challenge anew..
Even though I am assured that at some point Negativity will try to sneak back in today, I am starting to believe that as long as I have hope, compassion and forgiveness on speed dial I might be able to banish him just as fast as he showed up. Well as my dear friend says "One can hope anyway!!!!"
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Lent- A choice
For many a Christian today marks the start of Lenten. It is after all Ash Wednesday and for those of you who don't know it isn't meant as a day of recovery from Mardi Gras. Ash Wednesday is the first day of the 40 day period in which we are meant to prepare ourselves for the Easter miracle. It is a time of prayer, penance, and fasting.
Traditionally we give up something that is a part of our lives. It is meant to remind us and bring us closer to god. I've made some small sacrfices, count them as red meat and swearing. I've also made some greater sacrifices, such as chocolate and caffeine ( if you knew me you'd know that is a big deal). People give up all kinds of things, although most people I know give up something material.
This year I have chosen to give up negative thoughts and judgements(I'm also including chocolate in there as as side bet). I know that the negative thoughts and judgements will be a challenge for me. I realize the injustice of the world and am quick to become negative. My goal this year is to refrain and retrain myself from becoming negative but instead take those injustices and fight for a better equality.
I have found that 3 principles are helpful to this pursuit.These priniciples which come from both Christian and non Christian teachings are as follows:
1. Do for others as you would want them to do for you, even if they may not seem to deserve it (I think the last part is particularly important in this process)
2.Only those free from sin and wrong doing should judge others( this is a combination of some teachings but it is how we present it in our group study)
3. If we adopt the view of compassion and love for others than we will see the world in a more compassionate and caring manner.
The first two should be clear to most of my Christian friends. Infact I doubt there are many people out there that have not heard of these ideas at some point in their lifetime. The third one is something I ran across recently when I began reading a text by the Dalai Lama. It seems like a fairly simple idea doesn't it. That we have more to do with our own happiness than do outside factors.
As I was reading earlier it is not by accident that this time was chosen for us to begin the Lenten process. It is a period of rebirth on much of the Earth. It is a time when the long, cold nights start to get shorter and shorter and the sun begins to brighten the world around us. Can we not say the same for our spiritual world. Can the long, cold nights of our problems not be shortened by the increasing love and faith of the light of God?
If everyone sat out each day to do just two acts of kindness for someone, without expecting anything in return, wouldn't we see a glorious change on this Earth? Wouldn't the world in which we live become more tolerable? I honestly believe it would. If we gave from our hearts and not our wallets wouldn't we be able to move mountains? I truly believe that we would. If we looked on that drunken welfare momma with the compassion that Christ looked up us wouldn't we be more willing to give her money to help he feed her family.
Yes we all have choices. I challenge a single person to say that they have lived according to god's law fully. I surely know I have not. I also know that it has been those people that spread the love of god that have made the most impact on me. Not the ones preaching for you to repent but those preaching that god loves you and will help you if you come back and trust in him. After all isn't the old adage of you catch more flies with sugar water than salt water true???
So as I begin anew this season of promise I am going to chronicle my journey of change. I hope by the end of these 40 days that I will have made significant changes in my life. I challenge all of you to give up something too...even if it isn't for Lenten!!!!
Traditionally we give up something that is a part of our lives. It is meant to remind us and bring us closer to god. I've made some small sacrfices, count them as red meat and swearing. I've also made some greater sacrifices, such as chocolate and caffeine ( if you knew me you'd know that is a big deal). People give up all kinds of things, although most people I know give up something material.
This year I have chosen to give up negative thoughts and judgements(I'm also including chocolate in there as as side bet). I know that the negative thoughts and judgements will be a challenge for me. I realize the injustice of the world and am quick to become negative. My goal this year is to refrain and retrain myself from becoming negative but instead take those injustices and fight for a better equality.
I have found that 3 principles are helpful to this pursuit.These priniciples which come from both Christian and non Christian teachings are as follows:
1. Do for others as you would want them to do for you, even if they may not seem to deserve it (I think the last part is particularly important in this process)
2.Only those free from sin and wrong doing should judge others( this is a combination of some teachings but it is how we present it in our group study)
3. If we adopt the view of compassion and love for others than we will see the world in a more compassionate and caring manner.
The first two should be clear to most of my Christian friends. Infact I doubt there are many people out there that have not heard of these ideas at some point in their lifetime. The third one is something I ran across recently when I began reading a text by the Dalai Lama. It seems like a fairly simple idea doesn't it. That we have more to do with our own happiness than do outside factors.
As I was reading earlier it is not by accident that this time was chosen for us to begin the Lenten process. It is a period of rebirth on much of the Earth. It is a time when the long, cold nights start to get shorter and shorter and the sun begins to brighten the world around us. Can we not say the same for our spiritual world. Can the long, cold nights of our problems not be shortened by the increasing love and faith of the light of God?
If everyone sat out each day to do just two acts of kindness for someone, without expecting anything in return, wouldn't we see a glorious change on this Earth? Wouldn't the world in which we live become more tolerable? I honestly believe it would. If we gave from our hearts and not our wallets wouldn't we be able to move mountains? I truly believe that we would. If we looked on that drunken welfare momma with the compassion that Christ looked up us wouldn't we be more willing to give her money to help he feed her family.
Yes we all have choices. I challenge a single person to say that they have lived according to god's law fully. I surely know I have not. I also know that it has been those people that spread the love of god that have made the most impact on me. Not the ones preaching for you to repent but those preaching that god loves you and will help you if you come back and trust in him. After all isn't the old adage of you catch more flies with sugar water than salt water true???
So as I begin anew this season of promise I am going to chronicle my journey of change. I hope by the end of these 40 days that I will have made significant changes in my life. I challenge all of you to give up something too...even if it isn't for Lenten!!!!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Final Friday
Today is my final Friday as a person in my 20's. It has lead me to a slight bit of looking back. I've had roughly 520 Fridays in my 20's. I tried to look back at what I might have been doing for most of those day. So I included a list of some of those memorable Friday's.....
July 17, 2009- On this Friday I gave birth to baby number 5. The morning started out with a lot of scary thoughts, I was scheduled for a c-section. It ended with considerable amount of pain, a very tired mommy and a healthy 9lb 2oz baby girl.
August 5th, 2005- On this Friday Rashaan started football camp at Wingate. It was a big deal because I had just got home from the hospital with the twins on Wednesday August 3rd. It was going to be a big deal for all of us.
June 4, 2004- On this Friday I came home from the hospital with my second son, Calen. Rashaan had to leave for his friends wedding so I came home from the hosptial with my mom and grandmother. I was glad to be home but experiencing the trials of having a newborn and a toddler.
July 4, 2003- This was the last Friday before we got married. It was a hot day and it was filled with a lot of tension and stress. So many things had to be finished. I remember sitting up till about 10:30 that night tieing candy into pouches for our favors.
March 7, 2008- This Friday was my 27th birthday and it was also the day that Rashaan got offered the Cornell Job. It was filled with some choices, sadness and excitement. It was a day that changed the course of our lives forever.
January 16 2009- This may be one of the worst Friday's I had. On this day Rashaan resigned from Cornell. It was probably one of the saddest days I can remember. It was filled with a lot of crying and unhappiness. This is surely one Friday I'd like to forget.
May 4th 2001,--On this day I loaded my stuff in the car and left behind my family and friends. I moved to North Carolina with Rashaan and I remember how much promise and joy this day had. I remember how excited I was to be moving into my new apartment...
These are just some of the over 500 Fridays I had in the last 10 years of my life. Many of them happy, many of them sad. The point is that each of these many Friday's has added up to be a point in my life. In ten years I will look back and say another 500 Fridays have gone by, what do I have to show. So with that being sad its time to start making new Friday memories!
July 17, 2009- On this Friday I gave birth to baby number 5. The morning started out with a lot of scary thoughts, I was scheduled for a c-section. It ended with considerable amount of pain, a very tired mommy and a healthy 9lb 2oz baby girl.
August 5th, 2005- On this Friday Rashaan started football camp at Wingate. It was a big deal because I had just got home from the hospital with the twins on Wednesday August 3rd. It was going to be a big deal for all of us.
June 4, 2004- On this Friday I came home from the hospital with my second son, Calen. Rashaan had to leave for his friends wedding so I came home from the hosptial with my mom and grandmother. I was glad to be home but experiencing the trials of having a newborn and a toddler.
July 4, 2003- This was the last Friday before we got married. It was a hot day and it was filled with a lot of tension and stress. So many things had to be finished. I remember sitting up till about 10:30 that night tieing candy into pouches for our favors.
March 7, 2008- This Friday was my 27th birthday and it was also the day that Rashaan got offered the Cornell Job. It was filled with some choices, sadness and excitement. It was a day that changed the course of our lives forever.
January 16 2009- This may be one of the worst Friday's I had. On this day Rashaan resigned from Cornell. It was probably one of the saddest days I can remember. It was filled with a lot of crying and unhappiness. This is surely one Friday I'd like to forget.
May 4th 2001,--On this day I loaded my stuff in the car and left behind my family and friends. I moved to North Carolina with Rashaan and I remember how much promise and joy this day had. I remember how excited I was to be moving into my new apartment...
These are just some of the over 500 Fridays I had in the last 10 years of my life. Many of them happy, many of them sad. The point is that each of these many Friday's has added up to be a point in my life. In ten years I will look back and say another 500 Fridays have gone by, what do I have to show. So with that being sad its time to start making new Friday memories!
Monday, February 28, 2011
My journey-Weight Watchers
Like so many other American women I am overweight. I'd like to blame it on having 5 children but that isn't truly the reason. I've never liked doing exercise just for the fact that I am doing exercise. The one thing I like more than not exercising is eating and as any person knows not exercising and loving to eat is a very unhealthy combination. With that in mind and my looming milestone birthday in a little over a week I decided to get serious about losing weight.
I've tried so many diets, taken so many of those quick loss pills. I haven't been successful. I've gone on low carb diets, low fat diets, and even tried those horrible cleansing diets....all had the same results little to no weight loss and they left me drained.
I decided to start Weight Watchers. I'd been skeptical of how it worked but when my mom showed positive results I thought I'd give it a go. At first I started by using her old books. I wasn't serious about it, did it when I was feeling good but went back to my old habits when I was stressed. Even without doing the program all the time I managed to lose 5 pounds in 2 months.
Two weeks ago I decided to officially start Weight watchers. I joined an actual program, got the new books, signed up for my handy tools online, and began. The first week didn't go so well. I didn't lose very much at all but I chalk that up to a three day period of stress and some unhealthy food choices.
My second week (Feb 20-27) went better. I lost a whopping 2 pounds. At first I was a little discouraged. I actually worked out for 30 minutes a day three times last week(a huge milestone for me). But after losing only 5 pounds in two months I realized that at this pace I would lose 16 pounds in the same amount of time. That made it seem a whole lot more effective.
My favorite part of the program is that I don't have to order special foods, or eat anything different than what my family does. I don't have to drink two nasty chalky shakes a day. I get to eat whatever I want. My favorite breakfast so far is a two egg spinach omlette with two strips of bacon!!!
The online tools make recording what I eat a lot easier. You aren't required to track but in all honesty it does help you to think twice about whether or not that cookie is worth it! The online tools have all kinds of foods in it and all you do is enter the food and how much you ate and it calculates for you...I also recorded my Wii Fit workouts which they already had calculated. Since the online tools are based off my weight it will change as I change.
So here's to my continued Journey. I'll keep you all updated on my progress with a weekly tracker on the loss as well as what worked and didn't work that week. If any of you have been considering losing weight I would higly suggest using this program.
Love to all
LJ
I've tried so many diets, taken so many of those quick loss pills. I haven't been successful. I've gone on low carb diets, low fat diets, and even tried those horrible cleansing diets....all had the same results little to no weight loss and they left me drained.
I decided to start Weight Watchers. I'd been skeptical of how it worked but when my mom showed positive results I thought I'd give it a go. At first I started by using her old books. I wasn't serious about it, did it when I was feeling good but went back to my old habits when I was stressed. Even without doing the program all the time I managed to lose 5 pounds in 2 months.
Two weeks ago I decided to officially start Weight watchers. I joined an actual program, got the new books, signed up for my handy tools online, and began. The first week didn't go so well. I didn't lose very much at all but I chalk that up to a three day period of stress and some unhealthy food choices.
My second week (Feb 20-27) went better. I lost a whopping 2 pounds. At first I was a little discouraged. I actually worked out for 30 minutes a day three times last week(a huge milestone for me). But after losing only 5 pounds in two months I realized that at this pace I would lose 16 pounds in the same amount of time. That made it seem a whole lot more effective.
My favorite part of the program is that I don't have to order special foods, or eat anything different than what my family does. I don't have to drink two nasty chalky shakes a day. I get to eat whatever I want. My favorite breakfast so far is a two egg spinach omlette with two strips of bacon!!!
The online tools make recording what I eat a lot easier. You aren't required to track but in all honesty it does help you to think twice about whether or not that cookie is worth it! The online tools have all kinds of foods in it and all you do is enter the food and how much you ate and it calculates for you...I also recorded my Wii Fit workouts which they already had calculated. Since the online tools are based off my weight it will change as I change.
So here's to my continued Journey. I'll keep you all updated on my progress with a weekly tracker on the loss as well as what worked and didn't work that week. If any of you have been considering losing weight I would higly suggest using this program.
Love to all
LJ
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Let your light shine
During mass this weekend our selected readings where from the book of Matthew. “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. For most of us those words seem pretty straight forward. I am the light of the world....In the same way, let my light shine for others, that they may see my good deeds and will come to know God.
Wow! I don't know about you but that seems to be a pretty intense job. Let your light shine. I know most of us probably remember hearing the Sunday School song "This little light of mine." I know whenever I read that particular verse I do start to sing out in my childhood memories "I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine..." I'm sure for most of us it brings a smile to our faces.
As I sat back and listened to Father Darrell talk about it more in depth I realized that it was a lot more intense than that little Sunday School job could have ever portrayed. See not only are we charged as Christians with maintaining our own light but we are charged with spreading our light around to bring in others.
The task of keeping our light shining in this difficult world is hard. Our light never goes out although due to the effects of our problem and the problems of others close to us it may feel very very dim at times. Our light isn't just our Christianity, although I would bet many a people would disagree with me. I believe our light is our spirit, the joy of life, the beauty and serenity that makes our hearts sing.
Not too long ago my light was dim. Life as it routinely does began to make me feel like I was the only light in a very long and dark tunnel. As I shared with others the darkness that was inside I got so many light sharing moments. Soon I began to see that it wasn't that dark at all in the tunnel, infact I was beginning to see again and my light was beginning to grow again, although admittedly very slowly.
The job of sharing your light isn't an easy task. It's hard because you have to decide that for a moment in your life you are going to stop, listen, talk, and be there for someone else. Some of us make half hearted attempts at sharing our light, we stop and say stuff like "It'll be all ok...we pat the person on the back and walk on by." To really share our light though we have to stop.
It's like trying to light a candle while you are walking. It's a lot easier to light someone's candle, or to make it brighter if we slow down and stop long enough to really light it. It's next to impossible to help someone if we can't stop long enough to really reach out to them.
Some people look at sharing our light as a chore, after all they have cultivated and maintained their own personal light. Sometimes those with the brightest of lights look at those with the dim and say well if they just stopped doing that then they would be ok. They aren't sharing their light, they aren't sharing their souls, they aren't sharing what they have.
Have you ever had a flashlight that you hid under a blanket? When you turned it on the immeadiate area seemed pretty bright but when you looked out from under your blanket it wasn't very bright. The matter being the most of the light was shielded by the covering.. That is what those people have. The light that they feel is so bright is not that much because they hide it or keep it all for themselves.
The goal of us as humans isn't to hoard our light, it isn't to keep, take and not give back. It isn't about acting, or pretending like we are helping either. It's about truly and honestly stopping. It's about really helping someone. It's about taking your light and letting it shine!!!!!
Wow! I don't know about you but that seems to be a pretty intense job. Let your light shine. I know most of us probably remember hearing the Sunday School song "This little light of mine." I know whenever I read that particular verse I do start to sing out in my childhood memories "I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine..." I'm sure for most of us it brings a smile to our faces.
As I sat back and listened to Father Darrell talk about it more in depth I realized that it was a lot more intense than that little Sunday School job could have ever portrayed. See not only are we charged as Christians with maintaining our own light but we are charged with spreading our light around to bring in others.
The task of keeping our light shining in this difficult world is hard. Our light never goes out although due to the effects of our problem and the problems of others close to us it may feel very very dim at times. Our light isn't just our Christianity, although I would bet many a people would disagree with me. I believe our light is our spirit, the joy of life, the beauty and serenity that makes our hearts sing.
Not too long ago my light was dim. Life as it routinely does began to make me feel like I was the only light in a very long and dark tunnel. As I shared with others the darkness that was inside I got so many light sharing moments. Soon I began to see that it wasn't that dark at all in the tunnel, infact I was beginning to see again and my light was beginning to grow again, although admittedly very slowly.
The job of sharing your light isn't an easy task. It's hard because you have to decide that for a moment in your life you are going to stop, listen, talk, and be there for someone else. Some of us make half hearted attempts at sharing our light, we stop and say stuff like "It'll be all ok...we pat the person on the back and walk on by." To really share our light though we have to stop.
It's like trying to light a candle while you are walking. It's a lot easier to light someone's candle, or to make it brighter if we slow down and stop long enough to really light it. It's next to impossible to help someone if we can't stop long enough to really reach out to them.
Some people look at sharing our light as a chore, after all they have cultivated and maintained their own personal light. Sometimes those with the brightest of lights look at those with the dim and say well if they just stopped doing that then they would be ok. They aren't sharing their light, they aren't sharing their souls, they aren't sharing what they have.
Have you ever had a flashlight that you hid under a blanket? When you turned it on the immeadiate area seemed pretty bright but when you looked out from under your blanket it wasn't very bright. The matter being the most of the light was shielded by the covering.. That is what those people have. The light that they feel is so bright is not that much because they hide it or keep it all for themselves.
The goal of us as humans isn't to hoard our light, it isn't to keep, take and not give back. It isn't about acting, or pretending like we are helping either. It's about truly and honestly stopping. It's about really helping someone. It's about taking your light and letting it shine!!!!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Resolutions and Cleansing
Many of us start the year anew with Resolutions. I myself had two that where going to be a part of my new year new me motto. The first as I suspect many a woman resolves was to get healthier. I figure if I say get healthier I won't be so depressed when I don't lose weight too fast. The second of the motto's was to focus on me and reaching some life goals. My first step at that was to enroll in college and finally begin my goal of attaining my Bachelor's degree.
Focusing on life goals though has lead me to realize that I need to cleanse myself of some old things that are heavy on my soul. Sort of a way to prepare myself for a new start. As one Disney character said "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it." The difficulty in learning from something is that you have to accept your own flaws and faults in order to do that. Most people who know me, know I'm not very good at that part of the lesson learning. I try to fight it, blame it on someone else or just plain ignor it. I can't even imagine how many lessons I didn't learn by not following that step.
I'm an angry person. People often tell me it is because I feel so deeply with my heart. I tend to run the gammit on emotions and I can honestly say that I hold anger at things that probably don't deserve it. I don't do well with people who seems ignorant, arrogant or snotty. I am quick to cut people out for the littlest infraction. I use to think it was because I liked to keep a distance from others so I couldn't be hurt but I think it honestly is because I don't see much good in the world and I hate what I know others must feel.
In my anger I have become angry at God. This to me is my greatest sadness. I have lost faith in prayer. I don't believe that it actually works. For the better part of two years I have prayed for many a thing and I can say that they have failed to be answered. When things fail to come to light I hear the same old "god has a plan." or "god doesn't give you more than you can handle." Inside I am thinking I don't like god's plan and he may not give me more than I can handle but he sure has given me enough to cripple me. Lately I find myself unable to pray. Not so much from lack of prayers to send up but I once heard that the definition of stupidity was to continue to do something that you know doesn't work. Well I'm starting to feel like praying is that to me, something that just doesn't work.
Leading into that I am a quirky combo of an optimistic person that becomes easily depressed. I want so bad to see the beauty of the world. I believe that good people should be rewarded for good deeds and when it doesn't happen I become depressed because of it. I believe that families and children should not be split because of artifically situations. I believe that good fortune should belong to those that have fought a hard battle and made it through.
I believe that the true test of a friend is someone who lets you hold their hand in your darkest moments and ask you to do the same for them. I have come to realize that many people in this world don't do the same thing. Why is it that people say "How are you?" and don't even care to listen to a response? Why is it we walk around and pretend all is ok and don't let others know how much we are hurting inside? Is it really gonna help one heal by not acknowledging it.
So as I close this portion of my cleansing down I realize that I have many flaws that I need to work on. Some of you will disagree with my choice of how to work on it and I know many of you will probably pray for me or something similar to that. I appreciate all of you just thinking about me. That leads me to know that you are willing to hold my hand in the darkest moments. Thank you!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My Shovel
While discussing with my friend Randy how problems where like snowstorms, he told me " You know what though Liz? If you grab a shovel and get after it that snowstorm eventual eases up and before you know it, it's spring!! And Spring sure is beautiful....."
That made me think. In a way that most words of support do not. Grab your shovel? That simple phrase spoke volumes to me. Litterally it means get off your lazy bottom and do something to make it better but in the figuritve sense it meant so much more. Planning, commitment, a strong work ethic and most of all faith can be enough of a shovel for most people to get out of an avalanche of problems they may have.
The truth in life though is that sometimes we get socked with problem after problem and while we are still trying to dig out from the last issue we are getting covered by the next. In those cases many of us get overwhelmed and just quit! We walk away from things that we where so close to having finally dug out from.
During this last two year cycle I have had numerous problems showered upon me, most of them being of my own creation I do admit. At times I have been buried so much that I had to reach up just to touch rock bottom. At each of those moments I have leaned on a different shovel or a combination of them. Using faith and hope to believe that soon enough I would see the light. Planning and then committing and using a strong work ethic to get to that plan.
Often I do admit that I have had to lean on those very few people that I know have my back. Sometimes I have had to ask them for their shovels and strength in order to help too. It always amazes me how much people will do to help you out even when nothing comes back to them in return. But just like you would in the real snowstorm asking someone might be the only way you begin to dig out. The only way you begin to see the light and begin to feel the warmth. And as my dear friend said "And Spring sure is beautiful......"
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